


"The Talk"

by memorizingthedigitsofpi



Series: A June Wedding [3]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: 17 years old and not able to talk about anything but each other, Academy Era, Awkward Conversations, Comedy, F/M, Gen, Parent-Child Relationship, little baby FitzSimmons, the embarrassing sex convo that every child dreads having
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-28
Updated: 2016-01-28
Packaged: 2018-05-16 20:01:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5839057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/memorizingthedigitsofpi/pseuds/memorizingthedigitsofpi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>FitzSimmons head home from the Academy and straight into "The Talk" with their parents. Awkwardness ensues.</p><p>(same parents as my fic A June Wedding but can be enjoyed separately)</p>
            </blockquote>





	"The Talk"

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



> thanks for the prompt, Lucie!

"So," Jezza Simmons started off, sucking in a strained breath. "This Fritz fellow you keep talking about..."

"It's _Fitz_ , Daddy," Jemma rolled her eyes. "How many times have I told you?"

"I'm sorry, Starshine," he apologized sincerely. "I just... it's not exactly a usual name, now is it?"

"Well," Jemma said, thrusting her chin out obstinately and staring out the car window. "He's not exactly a usual fellow."

Jezza pressed his lips together in a thin line and gripped the steering wheel a bit tighter. "So you keep saying," he observed under his breath. "At any rate," he tried to refocus the conversation, "You seem quite... fond? Of him?" He glanced quickly at his daughter, but she was still staring at the scenery, and he wasn't able to determine the accuracy of his statement. Or the degree of her fondness.

"He's the first interesting person I've met in America," Jemma nodded. Then she turned to her father and smiled in that way that always brightened whatever room she was in. "He's just _brilliant_ , Dad," she enthused. "You should just _see_ the ideas he has! And the things he _builds!_ They're _amazing!_ "

"Yes, well," Jezza cleared his throat awkwardly. "That's..." He drew a nervous breath. "Amazing you say?" he asked weakly.

She nodded again, more emphatically this time. "Astonishing, really," she said matter-of-factly. "And I can actually _converse_ with him without having to explain every other sentence!" Leaning back in her chair she sighed in satisfaction. "It's brilliant."

Jezza licked his lips and adjusted his hands on the steering wheel again. He decided to drop that line of questioning until they got back to his wife, Emma. She'd be able to get the full story out of his little Moonbeam if anyone could.

* * *

"Jemma, Jemma, _Jemma_ ," Geri groaned as she unpacked their takeaway. "Do you think we could talk about something _else_ for five ruddy minutes?" Doling it out onto two plates on the kitchen counter, she shook her head in frustration.

"What are you talking about?" Fitz asked, frowning. "I've hardly talked about her at all!"

Geri paused in her serving duties to turn around and pin her son with a raised eyebrow and a pointed look. " _Leo_ ," she said patronizingly. She pretended not to notice his wince at her use of his proper name and continued on to her point. "So far since you've been home we've talked about your time away at school, everything wrong with America, four different prototypes you've built, and the relative merits of food on both sides of the Atlantic," she counted them off on her fingers. "And _somehow_ , every single one of those topics has morphed into a treatise on Jemma Simmons, perfect model of humanity."

Fitz snorted and rolled his eyes. " _Trust_ me," he said with a world weary sort of look. "She's anything _but_ perfect!"

"Could have fooled me," Geri said dryly, sliding a plate in front of him where he sat before sitting down with her own meal.

"She _impossible_!" Fitz protested. "Always correcting my maths and making me stand up straight and trying to make me eat fruit, _and_ she thinks Heinlein is, _and I quote_ , 'an overrated misogynist!'. I mean, _really,_ Mum!" He shook his head and dug straight into his curry.

Geri couldn't quite hide her smile. "I'm glad to know she's at least got a good head on her shoulders," she said mildly before taking a sip of her tea.

Fitz opened his mouth wide to protest, but before he could get the first word out, his mother spoke again.

"I'll bet you dish duty for the duration of your stay that you can't go ten solid minutes without talking about her."

Fitz's offended expression immediately morphed into smugness. "Deal," he said confidently.

* * *

"Oh, he's _handsome_ ," Emma exclaimed as she squinted at the picture Jemma had pulled up on her phone. She couldn't be bothered to find her glasses, so she held the device an inch from her nose in order to make out the details in the image.

" _Mum_!" Jemma rolled her eyes. "You're meant to be looking at the _lab_ not my lab _partner_."

"Oh, 'lab partner' is he?" Emma asked with a sly smile. She continued flipping through Jemma's photos, and she couldn't help noticing that Fitz appeared in 90% of them.

"And friend," Jemma added a bit haughtily. "And there's no need to look like that, Mother."

"Like what?" Emma asked with false innocence.

Jemma blushed but held her head high. "You know what you're looking like, and you should stop it," she said primly. "It's not like that."

"Like what?" Emma asked again, eyes twinkling devilishly.

" _Mum!_ " Jemma whined, stomping one foot in aggravation.

"Alright, alright," Emma relented, kissing her daughter on the cheek and patting her shoulder. "Friend and lab partner."

" _Thank_ you."

* * *

Fitz wiped his forearm across his brow to mop up his sweat before plunging his hands back into the soapy water. "Ruddy stupid bet," he mumbled to himself as he did the washing up.

"Ruddy clever mum," Geri corrected, ruffling his hair and dropping another plate into the sink.

"Ha ha ha," he said humourlessly.

"Really, Leo, you should know better than to bet against your old mum," Geri tutted. "Have you forgot me _completely_ over there in America?" She measured the guilt level registering on his face and decided he needed just a _little_ bit more prodding. "You've certainly forgot how to answer your phone, that's for certain," she said with a slightly hurt tone.

"Aw, Mum," Fitz whined. "You _know_ I get busy and don't notice it ringing!" He rinsed off the last fork and dropped it into the dish rack, turning to face her as he grabbed a tea towel to dry his hands.

"Aye," Geri nodded reasonably. "And do you also not notice your messages?" She reached out and wiped his fringe off his forehead.

Fitz frowned and backed away from her grooming, nose wrinkling in annoyance. "I notice!" he said defensively. "It's just the ruddy timezones that's the problem," he explained.

Geri raised an eloquent brow at that. "I've seen you calculate air speed velocity _in your head_ , and you can't manage to add five hours to whatever the time is when you see I've called?" She shook her head in mock sadness.

Fitz heaved a loud sigh and let his head fall back so he stared up at the ceiling. "Mum!" he groaned.

"Leo!" Geri groaned back sarcastically. "If you can't call me back on your own, perhaps I should enlist the help of the wonderfully amazing _Jemma_ to get you to talk to me?"

Fitz's head snapped forward again in alarm. "You _wouldn't_!"

" _Try me_."

* * *

"Jemma," Emma started awkwardly as she sat at the kitchen table with her daughter. She folded her hands on the table in front of her and bowed her head to collect her thoughts. Her glasses slipped out of her head and dropped with a clatter that startled her, both because of the noise and because of their sudden appearance. "So _that's_ where they were," she said with some surprise.

Jemma looked up at her mother expectantly. She had her laptop in front of her, and she'd been typing madly for quite some time. "Yes?"

"I'm sorry to interrupt your work, darling," Emma apologized with a smile.

"Oh, I wasn't working," Jemma smiled.

Emma frowned in confusion. "But all of that typing...?"

"Just chatting with Fitz," Jemma explained happily.

Emma's brows rose and she opened her mouth with an "Ah" of absolutely no surprise whatsoever. "Actually, that's what I was hoping to talk to you about," she said, smiling nervously.

Jemma frowned. "Online chatting?"

"Fitz."

"What about him?"

Emma hesitated, looking for words. "Well..." she began, reaching a bit desperately.

"What are my girls up to, then?" Jezza asked with a wide smile as he entered the kitchen. He made his way over to the refrigerator, stopping along the way to kiss Jemma on the top of her head and Emma on the lips.

Emma seized on his presence and dove right into the conversation. "We're just talking about Fitz," she said brightly.

Jezza froze in his half-bent position, reaching for the orange juice. "Oh really?" he asked in a slightly strangled voice. He'd been hoping to avoid this conversation, but apparently Emma wanted to include him. So much for their agreement.

"Yes," she said with enthusiasm. "Jemma's just chatting with him now, and I thought this would be a good time to... to talk about... Fitz," Emma finished lamely.

* * *

"What in the _world_ are you working away at over there, Leo?" Geri asked from her own desk. She was surrounded in papers and her laptop kept chirping at her as emails poured in. Parliament was in session, and an MP's work was never done. Not even when her only son was visiting from America. "You must have written 20 pages _at least_ already."

"Hmm?" Fitz asked vaguely before dragging his eyes away from his laptop monitor. "Oh, it's not work," he explained. "It's Jemma."

Geri snorted indelicately. "Of course. How could I not have guessed?" she asked rhetorically to herself. Louder, she addressed her son, "And how is the lovely Jemma this evening?"

"Glad to be home and getting some proper tea for a change," Fitz grinned. "Same as me."

"Oh, so it's the _tea_ you've been missing is it?" Geri asked with an answering smile. "I'll be sure to send you some next time. Save you the trip home."

"Ta," Fitz winked at her before looking back at his screen again.

Geri watched him typing for a few minutes, and then she came to a decision. Piling her papers into neat sections, she stood up from her desk and moved over to the settee. "Fitz," she said with the abrupt tone she always used when there was business to be done.

"Yeah, Mum?" he asked distractedly. 

"Come over here for a minute, please," she said, patting the seat beside her.

"But..." he pointed to his laptop.

"She'll still be there when we're through."

* * *

Jemma and Jezza both stared at the table as Emma continued her well-meaning lecture. 

"... deposits his sperm in your vagi-"

" _Mum!_ " Jemma finally interrupted desperately.

Emma blinked and refocused her gaze at her daughter. "Jemma?"

"I have a doctorate in Biology," Jemma pointed out.

"Well, yes," Emma admitted. "But-"

"I'm well aware of how babies are made," Jemma said quickly, blushing to the roots of her hair. "And I _really_ don't see how this has anything to do with Fitz."

Jezza closed his eyes and hung his head briefly in defeat. Then he looked up and took his daughter's hand in his own, squeezing it gently. "He's just the first boy we've heard you talk about is all, Stardust," he explained with a kind smile. "First _anyone_ ," he specified. "And well..." he shrugged.

"And you think..." Jemma shook her head in horror. " _No_ ," she said vehemently. "No, no no. Nooooo," she shook her head even harder. "No."

"No?" Emma asked, somewhat skeptically. She might not have seen her daughter with a boyfriend before, but she _had_ seen her with a crush, and this seemed to be just like that, only more so.

" **No** ," Jemma said very firmly indeed.

* * *

"... don't care if she says she's on the pill or not, you use a condom," Geri instructed in no uncertain terms.

Fitz leaned forward and stared at the floor, wishing it would open up and swallow him. "Oh god," he mumbled, cradling his face in his hands.

"I'm not ready to be a grandmother yet," Geri continued, pushing the point home. "And 17 is _much_ too young for you to be a father, prodigy or not."

"Mum!" Fitz winced, hands moving to cover his ears instead of his cheeks.

"Children are a wonderful blessing, of course," Geri said in the same tone other people use to say 'No offense meant.' "But that doesn't mean you want to be blessed _just now_."

"Mum!" Fitz moaned again, throwing himself dramatically back against the couch cushions. "I'm not having-" he stopped short in an agony of embarrassment. " _Sex_ ," he whispered in horror. "With Jemma!" he continued at a normal volume.

"Not _yet_ , maybe," Geri said, not believing him for a moment. "But when you _do_ , you be smart about it, hormones or no."

"Oh god."

* * *

"Anyway," Emma said with a smile and a cheerful finality. "I've made an appointment for you at the gynecologist's office for Tuesday morning, and we'll get you all sorted out with an IUD."

"Mum," Jemma rolled her eyes.

"It's a useful thing to have, no matter if you need it with Fitz or with someone else," Emma pointed out reasonably. "And it's years before you need to think about it again."

Jemma had to admit that her mother had a point. "Still..." she said uncertainly.

"Of course, that doesn't protect against sexually transmitted infections," Emma said as she started shuffling through envelopes looking for her cellular bill. "Where _is_ the ruddy..." she mumbled to herself.

"I _know_ , Mum," Jemma growled in frustration. "Honestly."

"So make sure you still use condoms," Emma continued as she rooted around the desk. "Ah! There it is!" she exclaimed in triumph, digging it out finally.

"But I'm not even-" Jemma tried to point out.

Emma kissed her on the cheek. "Well, when you _do_ ," she offered, "Give me a call and I can tell you _all about_ what to expect." Standing up, she frowned before reaching up into her hair and grasping her glasses. "Got them!" she grinned. "Fool me once..." she winked at Jemma and then wandered out of the room.

Jemma stared helplessly after her and then looked over at her father where he was trying to slouch his way into the pantry completely.

"When you do?" Jezza implored. "Leave me out of it?"

"Definitely," Jemma nodded emphatically. "That won't be a problem _at all_."

* * *

Fitz stared at the cursor on his screen as it blinked in place at the start of the message box. What in the world was he supposed to say to Jemma after talking about... _that?_

He was saved from having to think of something by Jemma typing something instead.

"Why do parents have to take so much pleasure in embarrassing their children?" she asked.

Fitz blew out a breath of agreement. "I have no idea," he replied. "But they really, REALLY do."


End file.
